Kishke Korner
Smile — it’s a mitzvah
This Week: “The Drasha Clock”
Jokes
The Shortcut
Yanky told his wife he found a shortcut to the wedding hall. Forty minutes later she asked, “Nu, where’s the shortcut?” “We’re on it,” he said. “It’s just a long shortcut.”
Heimish Time
The invitation says 7:00. The chuppah is at 8:30. The second dance starts at 11. My GPS now lists “heimish time” as a traffic delay.
Counting Sheep
“Rebbe, I can’t fall asleep.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “I got to 400 and started wondering what they cost per pound.”
Election Results
My son asked who won the election. I told him: the people who print lawn signs.
Snow Forecast
The forecast said “chance of snow.” In our neighborhood that means a 100% chance the bread shelves are empty by 3 p.m.
Two Jews, Three Opinions
…and that was before somebody started a group chat.
Parking
In our neighborhood, a “parking spot” is any place your car fits — if you have enough emunah.
Only in Our Neighborhood
Where a “quick stop” at the grocery includes three conversations, one shidduch idea and a kugel recipe.
Where the bakery parking lot on Erev Shabbos is a harder driving test than the DMV’s.
Where every child knows the exact minute of candle lighting, but nobody knows where the other glove went.
Where “I’ll be right there” can mean any time before Havdalah.
Overheard
“I’m not late for Mincha. I’m early for the next minyan.”
At the bakery, Friday 1 p.m.: “Any chocolate babka left?” “Lady, at this hour we have hope.”
“He’s not a picky eater. He just only eats his mother’s kugel.”